


Tabloid

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Aquaman (2018), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Arthur Is Doing His Best, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Precious Peter Parker, Trans Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 03:08:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17480060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Arthur snickers and Tony looks over, afraid of what he’s gotten himself into this time but he’s reading a Buzzfeed page so Tony figures he’s not gotten into anything too bad at least until he takes a closer look. He sighs, “Arthur, get out of that,” he tells him and Arthur looks up.“What? Its twenty seven pictures to show why our relationship is goals,” he says and Tony sighs.





	Tabloid

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a little something with them out of their native worlds so here they are. Apparently Arthur screams a lot about the oceans and other animals, but Orm is an environmental terrorist. They just haven't found that out yet, but the press thinks its fuckin fun when they do.

Arthur snickers and Tony looks over, afraid of what he’s gotten himself into this time but he’s reading a Buzzfeed page so Tony figures he’s not gotten into anything too bad at least until he takes a closer look. He sighs, “Arthur, get out of that,” he tells him and Arthur looks up.

“What? Its twenty seven pictures to show why our relationship is goals,” he says and Tony sighs.

“Honey. Its trash entertainment,” he says, dropping a hand onto Arthur’s shoulder and looking over the page. There’s a picture of Arthur ducked down, eyes on Tony with his arms extended a little, clearly in the process of sneaking up on him. Or sneaking as much as he can with hundreds of cameras on him and being twice Tony’s height. He wishes that was less of an exaggeration but the height difference between them really is nearing comic territory. Arthur once compared him to a Chihuahua while Arthur made himself a Bernese Mountain dog.

“But they talked about that one time I bought you flowers,” he says, scrolling up to find a picture of himself, clearly taken by a member of the public, holding a bouquet of flowers to his nose looking happier than he’s seen himself in some time.

“I’m not disputing that our relationship _is_ goals, just that you shouldn’t read Buzzfeed trash,” he says. “Or any other entertainment section of anything. People aren’t even seeing the real us,” he points out. Like all actors he puts on a show in public and he’s so lucky to have found Arthur. A lot of people wouldn’t have wanted that and he gets it, really, but Arthur puts up with his crazy life with so much grace.

Instead of responding like a normal human Arthur reaches up and wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him onto the couch with his legs flying up over his head. He lets out an absolutely dignified yelp as Arthur cackles.

*

There are many things about Arthur that appeal to Tony. First of all he’s dead hot- always a plus. But he’s also funny, and passionate, and endlessly patient. Today, though, its Arthur’s tolerance that’s made him particularly appealing to Tony. He’s an actor so between the press, the public, and crazy fans that class as their own league of weird he already kind of stretches Arthur’s limits he’s sure. Add one trans kid to the mix and that’s a relationship killer, Tony has been fully prepared for that. So had Peter but in the most heartbreaking of ways, as _if_ Tony would ever choose a relationship over his child- but Arthur went with it.

That’s kind of who he is anyway, the type of guy who just goes with whatever is working at the time, but Tony really expected that to be his limit.

It hadn’t been, obviously, but apparently Peter’s questions on how to walk like a guy is. Arthur squints at him, “I don’t know, put one foot in front of the other and continue in a walking motion?” he asks more than states and Tony cracks up.

“I don’t think that’s helpful,” he says and Peter lets out a loud huff.

“It isn’t, I don’t even know what that _means_ ,” Peter says. “Just explain how to walk like a guy so I can stop obsessing over whether or not I look like a girl when I walk.” He throws his hands up and Tony doesn’t understand that frustration. At all. But he’s never had to convince anyone he’s a man either and he finds that Peter has an entirely unique view on being a man and how to do that. Case and point: his weird hang ups on shit Tony has never thought twice about like how to walk or what he looks like when he’s doing it. He just moves but Peter gets stuck with a bunch of anxiety around whether or not he’s doing it right because people spend absurd amounts of time trying to convince him he’s wrong about the guy thing. Which Tony _truly_ does not understand. Sure the kid’s fifteen, but he has yet to meet a fifteen year old who isn’t aware of their fucking gender- people are only mad because Peter’s doesn’t line up with their expecations.

“Look kid,” Arthur says, drawing Tony’s attention back to him, “I know you probably got some weird shit going on in your head or whatever but I _promise_ you no one is paying that close of attention to the way you walk. Once, I brought five cheetah kittens or whatever you call cheetah babies onto the subway and they were battling it out in that duffle bag but not a soul noticed. If no one notices whole ass jungle cats in bags they aren’t paying enough attention to the way you walk to determine gender. Also you’re built like a twelve year old boy and always have been. No one thought your ass was a girl even when we all thought you were,” he points out.

Peter frowns and turns to Tony, “does it concern you that he just… _has_ these stories?” he asks.

He sighs, “Arthur. You can’t just bring cheetah babies onto the subway.”

Arthur throws his hands up, clearly offended. “Well it was either that or I let some asshole sell them to some other asshole and I wasn’t going to let some rich freak buy a cheetah because he thinks jungle cats are cool they belong in the wild,” he says.

That doesn’t result in Peter looking less confused and frankly it doesn’t clear anything up for Tony either, but he does know Arthur is passionate about animals and conservation so this is exactly the type of dumb shit he’d do for a cause. Specifically the fuzzy kind of cause. Or scaly, if he’s talking fish and he _does_ love fish.

“Point is no one thinks you walk like a girl,” Arthur throws out when no one says anything.

Peter shrugs, “I mean if people don’t notice multiple cheetah puppies…” he murmurs.

*

Tony looks down at his acceptance speech and sure, Arthur handed it to him but he didn’t think he’d replaced it with a demand for better environmental laws and a bunch of animal rights stuff. He sighs, debating on whether or not to read it before he figures fuck it. He doubts anyone who watches the Golden Globes actually gives a shit about animal rights but he might as well indulge Arthur.

When he makes his way back to his seat Arthur is beaming, looking so absolutely happy that Tony smiles too, catching a contact high off his happy. “Thanks for reading that,” he murmurs and Tony shrugs.

“I mean, its mostly just come common sense stuff,” he says. You know, treat animals well, stop throwing shit in the ocean, and fucking do something about climate change. Standard stuff that should be obvious to anyone with two brain cells to rub together like a cricket.

Arthur laughs, “oh, when you see your Twitter mentions tomorrow you won’t think that. Pretty much everything in that speech was pretty uh, controversial,” he says. “I’m kind of surprised you read it all.”

Tony squints, “the speech was basically to stop shitting on the planet and to be polite to animals. That’s not controversial,” he points out. And its not even like he’s one of those stupid PETA people, even _Arthur_ hates PETA so he doesn’t see how this will cause controversy.

“Uh, yeah all the stuff about renewable energy was. And eating less meat. And all that stuff about conservation. And the stuff about the sharks. And-”

“Okay, you’re trying to kill my acting career with animal social justice, okay,” Tony says.

“It’d be worth it, if people listened,” Arthur says.

“Yeah, I doubt corporate actors will stop polluting the planet because an actor gave a speech,” he says and pats Arthur’s arm. “But you tried so that’s what counts.”

Arthur shrugs, “or we could make like the French and bring out the guillotine to solve our problems. Might as well show ‘em how the sharks they refuse to protect feel,” he says and Tony sighs.

“I’m going to have to continue to ask that you _not_ have a Twitter. Or any other social media. We would die in a fiery mess of ‘kill people save sharks.’”

“That’s a good slogan, its got a ring to it,” Arthur says and Tony doesn’t bother to tell him that so wasn’t the point of him saying that because Arthur will be Arthur.

*

Arthur is cackling and Tony knows right away he’s reading more trash media about their relationship. He doesn’t understand Arthur’s fascination with it. Peter wanders up, curious, and starts laughing when he looks at what’s on the page.

Sighing Tony wanders over and looks over his shoulder to find a picture of Arthur with five guys surrounding him. He doesn’t see the humor until he reads the caption.

 _Arthur Curry’s bodyguards look like mini bosses you need to beat before you get to the final boss_.

He starts laughing too because its _true_ , Arthur really does outclass his bodyguards in size at least. “Yeah, that’s pretty accurate. Also, they all look like the same person,” he says. He genuinely has no idea when this was taken, or by whom, but it looks like Arthur is surrounded by quintuplets.

“I wish I had Arthur’s body type but instead I look like a wet Mr. Noodle,” Peter mumbles, dismayed.

Arthur snorts, “well, you come by it honestly- its not like Tony’s all that tall or buff,” he says and Tony makes an offended noise because _excuse_ him he’s actually pretty buff! Sure, he’s small, but there’s muscles there so what the hell! “Don’t look at me like that its true. Best you can hope for is a Seth Rogan body when your metabolism isn’t ridiculously high,” he tells Peter, who also gives him an offended look.

“I don’t want a Seth Rogan body!” he says.

“Well right now you’re a little James Franco so Rogan’s an improvement,” he points out. Peter looks down at himself, probably horrified and Tony sighs.

“He’s right, I’ve worked with them both. Rogan is an improvement- Franco’s a diva. Little Franco is a joy though,” he says not that he’s worked with the mini Franco all that much. But he is a decided improvement over his brother, that’s for damn sure.

Arthur starts laughing and Tony gives him a _look_ because what? “Seriously, Tony Stark, certified primadonna, thinks James Franco is a diva? Bit of a pot calling the kettle black, hmm?” he asks and Tony sighs.

“You know what, I know that I’m a little dramatic sometimes but I don’t think I’m a primadonna and Franco _is_ a diva. Know who’s worse though? Jared fucking Leto- I worked with that asshole _once_ and if I never have to work with him again it’ll be too soon.” Method acting his ass, more like looking for an excuse to be an abusive prick under the guise of his job.

“Fuck Jared Leto, he’s not even a good actor,” Arthur says, familiar with Tony’s Leto related horror stories on set.

“I don’t actually have a James Franco body, do I?” Peter asks, looking down at himself with a frown.

“Nah, I think you’re skinnier,” Arthur says, totally not helping at all.

*

“If you’re cheating on me with this dude you need better taste,” Arthur says in a voice that’s way too fucking calm for an accusation like that but when he holds up a news paper Tony understands.

“Who the hell am I supposedly cheating with this week?” he asks.

“Aldrich Killian, the man with the whitest name I’ve ever heard,” Arthur tells him.

“I went to boarding school as a kid- that’s one hundred percent not the whitest name there is,” Tony tells him. “Also I’d rather light myself on fire than even _look_ in that asshole’s direction,” he says. He has no idea if he needs to abate Arthur’s fears, or if he even has any, but he figures it’s a good thing to do anyway. Might as well inform him that Killian is so not anywhere near Tony’s line of romantic interest.

“Yeah, I figured when I asked you this morning half asleep and you told me you’d rather cut your balls off than spend any length of time with Killian. Judging from the look on your face awake you doesn’t agree with sleepy you’s assessment of things.”

Why is sleepy him always so violent to himself? “No, I’ll stick with the fire that seems more likely to result in death over mutilation,” he says.

Arthur shakes his head. “You are one weird little dude. By the way that environmental speech of yours at the Golden Globes as gone viral and people loved it. I mean there’s a whole section of people who think you’re some leftist fruitcake special snowflake crunchy granola mother fucker but those guys are probably incels who live in the basement so who cares about them. And if I maybe snuck onto your Twitter and provided a link to a couple charities helping fish, well. People only care about the fuzzy stuff and fish need help too,” he says.

Tony cracks right up, unable to help it after Arthur managed to compound every criticism of his speech into a single sentence. “At least the fish are getting some love, I guess,” he wheezes out.

“Yeah, that’s good- I’m tired of people only caring about animals they think are cute. Sure like ninety percent of ocean shit looks like an eldritch monster but they still need help, even if they’re ugly,” Arthur says. “And fish are really smart! Some use tools.” Yeah, Tony knows because Arthur once spent two hours explaining how some random fish used coral to crack open oysters to eat them. Its not a lesson he needed to learn but Arthur was damn prepared to go on another two hour rant about the smart fish.

“Angler fish are hideous,” he says just to see Arthur go off about how angler fish shouldn’t need to be pleasing to the human eye to matter and that other angler fish probably didn’t think angler fish are ugly. Which, obviously fucking not because they live in the deep sea so they cant fucking see each other.

*

Its pretty well known that Tony hates the press but Arthur is god damn sick of them too. Yeah, he loves a good article about his relationship with Tony and all the awesome rumors and whatever. What he doesn’t love is five hundred cameras shoved up his nose so far the individual hairs up there are giving interviews with conflicting stories.

Tony is doing his best to avoid his face being reasonably caught in any of the pictures but that’s impossible with so many of them flashing at once. And all the poor bastard is doing is walking down the street. This is what he gets for winning some acting award- hounded. “Hey, I have an idea,” he says and Tony looks up at him, panic written on his features.

“Arthur, _no_!” he says but its too late, Arthur has stuck the sack on his head and the press can snap all the pictures they want but they can’t sell any of ‘em. “God damn it Arthur what does this face sack say?” he asks.

Someone snaps a picture from behind him and he turns around. He squints at the lowly reporter- paparazzi?- whatever this person is for a long moment before walking over and kicking the camera straight out of their hands. Its almost comical to watch it fly through the sky, disappearing behind the large crowd of people and presumably smashing.

“Arthur, did you just kick a camera?” Tony asks.

“No, the camera ran into my foot,” Arthur says.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


End file.
